Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
Oh I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
I’m so hard to handle
I’m selfish and I’m sad
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on.
Revisiting Non-Drama Philosophy
Idaho Wilderness
At one time, I had a keen eye for recognizing drama. I had
deliberately kept myself aloof and unattached in order to avoid it.
Eventually, I realized by doing that, I was creating more drama than I
got rid of, so I just stopped fighting it. I found that by letting it
happen, my inner awareness of drama grew. It was a reorienting
experience for me. I compared different "dramatic postures," one to
the other, and that is why I knew now that drama had once again taken
control. This sojourn into the mountains had proven both timely and
beneficial. As my old friend Mike once put it, "If you don't watch
out, you'll go stale and don't even know it." This time contemplation
did not alert me to my own "staleness." Rather, I became aware of it
by not feeling the awe that past mountain experiences had produced in
me. This lack of exuberance became the "dramatic posture" that I used
to compare and contrast past dramatic postures, and the result was
disturbing.
The intense feelings that the sky, brook and mountains used to invoke
in me were there, but they were growing dimmer. The very worst of it
was that I was beginning to feel like I was enjoying nature's beauties
because I was "supposed to." I had never felt that way before. The
truth of the matter probably was that I didn't have enough resolve to
practice non-drama. Maybe I never did? Maybe, drama and non-drama had
to be experienced, but that was the end of it—something like being
forced to live in a smog-filled city. You just had to endure. What a
depressing thought! Perhaps I will wake up one day and say to myself,
"Look, I was just that very emotional kid back then." All I can do is
what I have done in the past—live with the consequences of my own
actions. I can only hope that I will greet my future with a student's
enthusiasm; if not, why even be here?
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