I Stood There, Eyes Fixed In The Ocean Swells

From left to right—Gloria, Me, Eddy, Butch, and De

Keauu Beach
July ‘73

The violence of the earlier months had subsided. The people of those
times had all left the beach. Actually, I had the beach pretty much to
myself. Ron and Carol were camped fifty yards down, and a Hawaiian
family was camped next to me. A lot of the family tended to come and go,
but the patriarch of the family, Kukua, was a regular and he always had a
kind word for me. Dan, Kukua's British friend and war buddy, was visiting.
A retired merchant marine, Dan had invented a large air-ship that was propelled
along on top of a three-foot layer of air. Apparently, Dan was waiting for the
British government to decide if they wanted to buy his air-ship to
ferry people across the English Channel. He figured it was only a
matter of time before the Brit's said, "yes." He was marketing the
prototype; the actual ship hadn't been built yet. Who knows, maybe one
day I will have a fabulously wealthy business tycoon friend.

Speaking of business, and "things that go right," I've managed to save
over a thousand dollars. I even began to have nightmares about leaving
Hawaii. I can't remember the details, but in those dreams, after I had
gone back to the mainland, I would wake up feeling miserable. After a
few of those dreams, I even changed my mind about leaving. Why not
stay? I had a good job, and I lived in "paradise." Right!

I called my parents to tell them I was staying, but I had something
else I wanted to say to them also. I had checked into bringing them
over for a two-week vacation. I had resident status, so I was able to
book hotel and flight tickets at reduced Karmohina rates. For a
thousand dollars, I was going to be able to bring them over to Hawaii
and show them a good time. Unfortunately, my dad was in poor health,
so those plans got scuttled. After the phone call, I went back to plan
A, which was to return to school. Tonight is my last night at work.

I wanted to see some of the other islands before leaving Hawaii. I
didn't want to go tourist class, though. The thought of being just
another Hawaiian tourist, for me, was humiliating. I decided to go to
Kauai first. Usually, that island was the fourth most popular on the
tourists' wish list. It was the "garden island," but it was pretty
much undeveloped, which meant that it lacked first class
accommodations. Oahu, Maui, and the Big Island, Hawaii, overflowed
with "crème de la crème" accommodations. That settled, I planned to
leave in a couple days. I put off my departure because I had a wedding
to attend. Butch and Pua, friends of mine from the beach, were tying
the knot. Butch was a transient like myself. Pua was a full-blood
Hawaiian. I was looking forward to the wedding.

Leaving the beach and this lifestyle was depressing. Saying good-bye
to the ocean was the hardest. I loved the ocean. I felt like I was
part of it. A few days ago, I tried to put that feeling into words:

Wave

And I stood there, eyes
fixed in the ocean swells.
Lifted backwards and over,
sliding forward, curling onward,
feeling my tummy fall away,
my white bubbling mass
steamrolls toward shore,
draping behind frothing tapestries.
I feel my splendor.
Finally, my true dignity
is revealed.
My glory, after lethargic days and nights,
is now.
I am impregnable.
Tumbling forth,
I leave nothing untouched.
My hypnotic drawl
offers a deceptive warning.
The shore awaits me.
Smashing into the rocky reef,
I send aloft dense curtains
of ocean surf.
Gone only in duration,
I melt back into the sea.