Trying To Work It Out
For me the academic semester was short lived. I got "the call" from
CMU to report to work. I was hired into what CMU called its "pool of
temporary custodians." The good news was when a regular custodian
quit, retired, or was fired a temporary would take his/her place. The
bad news was I had to quit school to get the job, and I was not
guaranteed a job in the end. If you didn't measure up, or weren't
liked, a less senior temporary custodian would be put into the open
position. I was second in line to get a job, and they didn't become
available very often, so I was in for a long wait.
Three weeks into the semester I dropped out of school. I didn't even
have time to get to know which of my classes I liked best. I had a
cool instructor for my music class and we spent a lot of time listening
to albums. I really liked Debussy's music, and Shoenburg's stuff
sounded almost like jazz. I enjoyed my Philosophy class too; my
Professor was Swedish, I think. Sometimes I could barely understand
him. The first day of class he held up a thick book and told the
class, "In this century no book has been written that is more
important than this one." He then apologized for the price, $15. I
wasn't in the class long enough to find out what he meant. I never did
buy the book. When I went over to the bookstore to look at it, I was
glad that I didn't have to read it. The book was titled, Being and
Time. Based on its title, I guessed the author, Heidegger, had figured
something important out. I'd have to wait to find out what.
After working for almost four months, I was laid off. But even before
that, I was passed over in the line of CMU employee wannabe's (there
were three of us) and that was worse than getting laid off. The
"regular position" went to the guy who had worked only two months. I
was angry and disappointed. I wanted that job. I earned it. When I
went to see the of Personnel Director he said, "We hire again in
January. Be patient." When I stormed out of his office, the secretary
gave me a funny look and said, "What do you expect? CMU doesn't hire
hippies." I didn't know if she was trying to be sarcastic or nice. My
hair was long, but not that long, and although I tried not to talk
politics on the job, I did hang out with the one student worker who
was a member of the SDS, a radical political organization. I didn't
know what it was. I just knew that I had had it with CMU and its
butt-kissing policies. I went home to Carol Sue and told her that I
was going back on the road.
That scene was not a pleasant one. Apparently, that was the last
thing she wanted to hear from me because she started crying
immediately, and C.S. didn't cry, at least I had never seen her cry. I
told her I wasn't leaving yet. It would be after the holidays. She
felt a little better after that. In the candle light, C.S. and I
were lying in bed, listening to Elton John's music, when she started
crying. She didn't want me to leave. She didn't understand why I had
to go. She said, "If you loved me, you wouldn't go. You would find
your damn custodian job in Michigan and stay with me."
She wasn't laughing when she told me that either. Normally,
when she thought about my life goal, to become a janitor,
she always laughed. I guess that was why we got along so well. We
laughed a lot. This time, however, she was crying. She felt I was
throwing everything away. She felt I was deserting her. Out
from the tears she screamed at me, "Why?" Out through my own
tears I responded, "Because I have to. I can't stay here anymore.
When I find work I'll send for you. We will live together,
all of us, you, me, and Rodney" (her five year old son). I didn't
want to leave her. I didn't want to end our relationship.
I discovered, through my tears, I really meant what I had said. I
wanted to be with her more than anything else. But, I needed a job too,
and where better to work than in Hawaii? When I finally admitted
to myself and to C.S. that being together meant more to me than
anything else, I felt shivers run up and down my spine.
After a while, my parents and Carole Sue accepted the fact that
I was leaving again. Maybe the fact that I was going to Hawaii made
it easier for them to accept. Who didn't want to go to Hawaii?
The U of H had a great Asian Studies Program, and they also had a
good Philosophy Department. I figured as long as I was going to have
to beg for a university custodian job anyway, I might as well beg at a
university that had lots of interesting subjects to study; and
besides, the weather in Hawaii wasn't too shabby either.
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